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the things i lost
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般

i lost lots of things recently
lots of precious things..

i lost my earing...in the expo...囧
when i got home i found there is only my left earing left...
i was sad...cuz that was one of my favourite pairs...

i lost my brooch.
thats from orchirley
the shop assistant thought im cute so she gave me that breast pin as present
i loved it sooo much
n i believe i lost it in the subway...(subway the underground not subway the resto)
i actually felt little heart-broken when i look down n found the brooch disappeared..
cuz that day was the first time i pinned the brooch on my white suit..
it went perfectly wiz the suit...
i hated myself...why did i even change the brooch that morning!!
i always use the flower-brooch to go wiz that white suit...
ugh..i even can see the girl who picked my beautiful brooch smiling

i lost my gloves last winter...
my favourite adorable black gloves wiz bows n pink hearted-"diamond" ring on it...
although it was last year..i still feel terrible..
that happened on the No.830 bus...
i was texting on the bus n didnt know that was my stop till the last minute
i sunddenly got up wizout paying attention to my lovely gloves on my lap
after getting off the bus my hands felt friggin freezing...
N then i watched the bus driving away wiz my beloved gloves...

I met Simon this Monday.
he was an hour n a half late like he usually did
i was sitting in Lynn surrounded by foreigners
Noel texted while i was waiting n said if he was me he would leave cuz girls are the ones who supposed to be waited.
a foreign guy sure stared at me cuz i was all alone at the desk staring at other couples...
Simon texted me before saying that Monday was Austria`s National Day many officials were there rlly big n formal kinda party.
he hopes i could be there but only austrians were invited.
he got to the lynn asap
i got myself a mojito cuz last time with my darling S she ordered that which i found very tasteful.
havnt talked to her for quite a long time hope she`s doing great wiz her BF...
if not the alcohol worked i wouldve fallen asleep by the time he arrived.
we met again.
after 3mons.
he didnt change. we didnt change.
we talked. laughed. he said im cute.=)
i told him i might will go to austria wiz Gail maybe next yr
he said we can stay at his place.
he shew me the place he made his coat.
he let me play wiz his hand...that big hand i was unable to grab steadily.
n before we said goodbye he kissed the back of my hand. as always.
he is the first n the only person who kisses the back of my hand.
i do do do like this.
he sighed. said that we cant be normal friends.
there`s always something between us. even we were apart for 3 mons......
wot if i didnt leave him 3 mons ago?
i guess nothing is changing.
he will still go back to Austria.
i will still lose him.


many beloved things did leave me away.
n i can never get them back again.
but that wont stop me loving them.
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1005
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般
 

Thanks for ur treat last night, sweet couple.

I love spending time wiz u two.

I was really happy. I almost forgot that kind of happiness just hanging wiz friends.

KK said that i seem really happy every time i mentioned how match they are.

Well..She`s good friend. N it`s always nice to see lovelove couples.


昨天真的過的好開心
好像好久都沒有這樣溫馨的感覺
看著對面兩個人 覺得他們很幸福
“你今天怎麼穿的那麼正式啊 受不了受不了”她一邊搖頭一邊說
看著她這個樣子覺得好可愛喔 完全是滿滿愛的話嘛 XDD



我們真的聊了很多很多
聊的好雜好雜
北京的故事啦,淮海路立交橋大柱子的秘密啦,什麽喪權辱國條約啦,還有80后90后的區別...
某人硬是要說自己是8090的結合體 嘖嘖
還蠻奇怪昨天一點都沒覺得尷尬
我第一次見他,她第一次見KK,KK第一次見他和她,他第一次見我和KK
it supposed to be a little awkward i guess
but we ended up really well.
這兩個人笑點很一致
每當我和KK說了什麽很好笑的話 他們總是會一起笑
好像從我的角度看連動作都一樣
這兩個人真的很和諧
但是卻老是在說我和KK和諧
其實有一些默契是在一起久的人才會有的
就是這種一舉一動 一顰一笑
我看著他們覺得好幸福喔 我果然是老了 好像嫁女兒一樣 噗哈哈
他有時候有點白目哎
會很認真的說“我很放心她啊,晚上不送她回家沒事的,因為走在路上我想不出會有什麽人想對她怎樣”這樣的話
我覺得應該會氣到她 哈哈 或者她早已經習慣了 哇哈哈
她古靈精怪滿肚子壞水(哈哈哈)
當著他的面說要她的仰慕者帶她出去玩
我們兩個一臉壞笑然後他轉過頭來看著她壞笑 哈哈 實在很有喜感


總是覺得他很認真
現在還會有男生在約會之前做足功課的嗎
認真到KK都以為他也是世博會裏面工作的
因為聊到搭船我們三個世博局的都講不過他一個人
他和我說他們出去約會從來沒有重複去過一個地方
我很佩服 因為感覺我以前的約會永遠都是吃飯+看電影
要不然就是唱歌 要不然就是兩個人重複對問對方“我們等下去哪裡啊”


她和我說有時候一個星期見不到一次面
大概要兩三個禮拜才見一次 會覺得有點辛苦
我聽得時候也覺得有點辛苦 女生嘛多多少少會有一點粘的
可是之後有一次他和我說不是很頻繁的見面是因為他怕以後慢慢會沒有新鮮感
就覺得他其實並不是我想的那樣 人家是很認真的對待這份感情的
她嘛就不用說啦
its rlly easy to know that she likes him sooo sooo much


很謝謝KK昨天陪我去吃飯
小麟子你沒去真是可惜了,昨天的菜可好吃了
有蠻多時候我們三個人都在說些KK不知道的話題
希望他沒有覺得無聊
不過他是偽80后,這個60年代的人昨天的表現還是出色的
我希望昨天那個坐在我對面很沒形象大啃龍蝦片的女人和那個很“斯文”的男人能夠長久一點
我想慢慢看這個很有喜感的女人之後很多很多的好玩的事情
哈哈 幸好之前她自己想通 不然友情沒了真的可惜了

Anyway
等到我有男朋友了 下次我做東
我們再出去四人約會吧

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always cant meet the right guy
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般
all i want is a common relationship
just like everybody else does
but how come it is that hard for me?


He is popular
he is too popular to be a boyfriend
almost 30 girls want to take photos wiz him a day
when we were out, every eye on us no matter boys or girls


he said im special to him
he likes me
im the girl who makes him want to settle down? can i understand this way? 
cuz he said its the first time he wants someone to be his girlfriend
he never has a girlfriend before
wow
that means a lot to me


i guess i like him
bcuz i wanna spend time wiz him
i dont know if he feels the same way but i think he is happy when he`s wiz me
its rlly sweet that we hold hands all the time like a real couple
n he kisses the back of my hand
he said im cute like a child n so is he
he IS like a child even more than im
everytime we hav dinner he will finish all the food
even he is full?? haha
after dinner he will show me his big belly n let me touch it
i always make fun of it. said he is four-month preganent but maybe five-month after last night's dinner lol
he is very tall. 193cm.
so i can wear high heals when im wiz him
n i like putting my head on his shoulder for rest when we were standing together
when we were waiting for the subway he likes to see our figure reflected on the door pull me close to him n said "did u bring a camera? we should take photos together next time"
when he was playing guita while singing to me
he was so nervous that he sweated very hard
the music is sooooo nice that i dont think im ever gonna forget
n also he is the first guy who plays guita n sings to me
he likes chewing gum sooooo much just like me!!!
n one time we happan to bring the same flavor---watermelon
i never found a guy.. a person i shud say like chewing gum that much just like i do!!!
its rlly happy that we hav some things in common
when we remain silence he likes to look into my eyes n just smile without a word
he always make fun of me when i drop my chopsticks on the table
it is being unbelievable that every time we hav dinner i dropped my chopsticks
EVERY TIME!! N ONLY WIZ HIM!!


sounds like we are a couple now. maybe one of the happy ones.
but things are just way more complicated.
He has made out maybe wiz a hundred girl now but none of them was his gf
so this becomes to his life
he sees several girls at one time
he never felt this is wrong but not to me
he wants to be honest wiz me so he told me the truth
its like cats n dogs when im enjoying the sunshine bath
there is a woman they hav made out for a month 
she told him that she doesnt care if he has other girls
she is the most rediculous girl ive ever heard
he doesnt want to hurt her
n he is not sure that he wants to be wiz me much enough to hurt other girls 
shall we try??
im always asking myself this question
friends tell me to give a shot
we like each other after all
but maybe im a little scared. to be hurt again.
we sat outside Richbaby till 3:30 27th June
we talked a lot this is the first time we talked that much
i got to know him more n i think he knows me more too
maybe a wise lady will choose to give him up
cuz we hav only met for half a month
its easy to forget
but i guess im just not a wise lady. im pretty stupid.
i cant forget the happy time we have
n i think he doesnt want to let go of me either.


i hope he can forget all the other ladies
im not sure how many are they
but im gonna believe him no matter what
give us one month
if he cant then end it
if he can then that is love



he has a big hand
way bigger than mine
im just afraid its too big for me to hold safely
i might lose it some time...
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hav no idea
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般
ahhhhhhhh
i felt so in luv
thats pathetic cuz he's not a guy i can fall in luv wiz
he's tooooooo popular


i wish ive never met him 
then i wont feel sad now
thats rediculous
maybe all i hav to do is getting busy n then forget abt him
bcuz he is rlly busy abt entertaining...
like football..singing..swimming..video chatting..going out wiz phillipine friends..
55555


i ve made another wrong decision
i shouldnt go
i shouldnt meet him
i shouldnt text him the first night we met
gosh i guess im missing him

im crazy.
who can help me now?????!!!!!
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first day at work
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般
i got fever on the first day at work.
how great is that huh?!

had an important conference this morning
i was rlly attentive
five pages` report
more than any notes at school except for higher mathematics
it always has a lot to take down
n this afternoon supposed to be rlly boring
but luckily there was a lecture abt arbitration
learnt a lot.
btw  the speaker is a goodlooking french guy
the interpretress sucks
the interpretor is good
i realized i would get to know a lot abt doping or CAS or ICAS or sth i couldnt even retell the name
honestly the theory is boring
but the cases re classy n interesting
n thank god he`s a handsome guy wiz a nice voice
lol just kidding


life there is rlly great
its an awesome place its at ppls`square after all
the elevator is so topnotch
u cant press the button without "bi" the inductive card
n i got to know all the executive leaders at sports field 

but frankly i dun hav much to do there
without conferences ill just sit n sit n sit in two weeks
i bet id be rlly good at sitting then



food there is expensive but kinda delicate
10yuan for a lunch
4 dishes  rice  soup  fruit  yogurt
it wouldnt hurt to try for the first time
but for ever...eh..well
there ARE so many 「seducers」out there


i got a rlly funny morning
i rlly am getting sillier|||
i took line2 but got off at the wrong stop
i cant be late at the first day 
so i arrived there by motorcycle in the end
that was an impressive experience...囧rz


id better off to bed now
my throat hurts so bad
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my life sucks
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般

ugh...i must be caught in bad luck or sth.
GEE!!!!!!
he`s such a jerk!!!
i dont like him. rlly dont.
damn u pro.


wot`s ur whole point
i cant make it?
im soooo not qualified?
k u know wot? im gonna prove it to u
im gonna throw a whole speech back to u!! on ur face!!
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit


u even dont know when does that exam start
how can u tell me we dont need a tutor??
all the teachers from ECNU were wrong, the only right person is u.
hahaha. very funny.
in ur opinion, i do handwriting practises but i dont need a teacher.
does that mean i write an essay, i even dont know which part is great which part is bad how many grammar mistakes did i make which phrase would be better
even then i can still make a progress?!
maybe wiz the whole passage`s mistakes?!
ugh..i rlly wanted to ask u "wot were u thinking"


he`s just arrogant
but he should be.
cuz he is powerful now. he controls a lot.
so he probably didnt see me as a guest or as a certain person
that`s why i hate him



i decide my life!!! that`s my life!!!
it sucks but im gonna enjoy it!!!
u hav no right to interfere it.
maybe i was being a brat wanting sth i cant have
but im gonna take it seriously
n i trust myself.
this is wot i want. wot im interested in. so iwill everything to achieve that.
i wont let some stranger change my dream.



n..i wanna say srry
i cant blame u.
its bcuz of u tho...
i did regret to be wiz u. but i cant all blame u.
i should partly blame myself.
i ruined this i know it.
so im never gonna do the wrong thing twice



next time i meet u Mr.Arrogent
im sure it is me being a-SISU-master-kinda way.
i swear!!!!!!!!!!!
we`ll see!!
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❤Love Diary❤ Pros n Cons of my bf---没办法忘记的BF`s BADNESS
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般

the things i cant let go.

its not easy to write all the bad stuff abt my bf.

i just wanna know others feelings after reading them

 

事件一: the one wiz Chicago

08年7月我们开始约会。那时在必胜客打工 一星期休息2-3天

但每周都会抽一天和他出去玩。看电影 吃晚饭 最cheesy的约会方式但是也乐在其中

天天聊天到2点,暧昧期。

we cuddled when we was seeing a movie but he never held my hand. N he never talked abt our relationship.

i saw him as my bf that time, although i knew he was going to US

but i dun care. i liked him soooo much.

so i waited him to ask me to be his gf. n no pressure to him at all but he didnt do that.

then he left.

他到了美国之后我们仍然保持联系,感情很好,期待着他的回国。

没过多久我男朋友就和我说他要去Chicago旅游和他班级里的同学2个人一起去。

还跟我说本来两个人去他宾馆什么都订好了 现在突然多了几个人 是他同学的朋友

那帮人意见很杂嫌订的宾馆太贵 要退换便宜的宾馆睡 但是退宾馆订金就没有了

所以他在考虑是订金便宜还是去便宜宾馆省下来的钱便宜。他跟我抱怨很麻烦

那时单纯的我只是安慰他并相信他可以做到的。

去Chicago4天,每天都只是短短时间的QQ聊天,早上他出门之前和晚上他回来之后

有时只是几句话他就不回了 在外旅游嘛 正常的。

他回美国后不久他前女友发了一篇日志名叫Chicago. 那时候看到名字我还奇怪呢 想怎么最近大家都去芝加哥玩了 不会是碰到了吧

看完整片日志才知道 什么同班同学都是假的 他一个从ARIZONA飞到CHICAGO 和他EX汇合,当然还有他EX的朋友们。

他们一起玩了四天 很多照片 我看了人都傻掉

发QQ质问他的时候他的态度无敌冷淡 就是“恩 对啊 和她一起去的”一副理所当然的样子

让我感觉他都没觉得自己做错什么 狠的不得了 我难过的是饭都要吃不下

还看到他和他EX的留言对话说什么想看看她这次旅行的VERSION

感情既然那么好为什么暑假还要和我搞不清楚?!

因为暑假他EX在香港不在上海无聊了?寂寞了才找我的?

后来才知道真的是因为这样

他8/15离开上海 她8/10飞回上海

5天再上海的交集他们怎么会放弃呢

他们出去了一次一起吃了晚饭 在他送她回家的时候他们kiss了。

我不知道他们是哪一天出去的 也许前一天他还和我出去了呢 我们还抱着一起看电影呢 第二天他居然能去K他EX?? 虽然我知道他对她是很难忘记 相恋2年 他EX提出分手 he was rlly sad but i still can see that 他对我真的是没有一点感情

可惜领悟到这点已经是很久以后的事情了。

 
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i dunno
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般

i dunno.
rlly dun.
we started over.
it supposed to be good.
but y...i cant feel sweet any more.
im afraid to think abt her.
just a tinny tiny clue abt her can totally freak me out.
ugh...


JiaLi said wot he did is totally not gonna help.
its like saying sorry AFTER slap sb.
maybe he`s right.
all of my friends want me to break up wiz him. 
Z even started to set me up.
wot a shame that di guy`s not my type.
or none of the males is my type any more.
i lost the way to appreciate guys.


i pretend to be happy.
pretending im not upset at all.
but i AM upset...
he makes me feel so insecure.


is he the guy i can spend my whole life wiz?
a guy cant lose his ex even for me.


I feel terrible.
everytime i think of him or her i feel nauseous.
every word he said made me feel that he`s not happy.
he feels bad bcuz of losing her.
i know maybe im too paranoid again.
but when he said " ok ill tell u the time she contacts me"-----"if she can find me" i almost smelt the scent of despair.
i feel hes being cold to me.
i cant feel the heat. didnt we just start over?
y all i can feel is sad,upset n helpless?
there is no way to work it out.
his "happy" msgs dont seem to be happy to me.
i felt he was pretending he`s happy.
he doesnt want me to know that he`s sad abt losing her.
.......who said he lost her already btw.
actually he already remembered her phone number by his heart.
to his words, this number wouldnt be forgotten maybe in rest of his life.



maybe i should break up wiz him.
i started having nightmares everyday.
i lost my appetite again.
nothing can stimulate my stomach nothing can cheer me up.
ugh....wot m i gonna do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel so sad.....
i cant even focus!!!
im sad when im eating, reading, writing, walking, bathing, even watching friends..


who can help me?
who can help me!!!
its like a poison killing me slowly.


after reading her diary
i dont feel like i know English.
i felt so lose.


im soooo gonna get SISU now.
maybe the motivation is not that right
but i swear.
ill get SISU in 2 yrs.
i dont believe i cant do it.
i can lose my luv but never my career.
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wot is luv exactly
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般
 wot is luv?!
im so confused.
ex is that important for u?
u cant lose her but me?

I M not believing u. Rlly not
but do u know y?
hav no idea?
oh let me give u some hints
wot abt the time u went to Chicago wiz her n told me u went there wiz ur male friends from ur school?
wot abt the whole summer we dated all the time but when she came back to Shanghai u guys still kissed?
wot abt after were together u still using her bday date for ur passwords to..um..EVERY web u hav to login?
wot abt the time friends hang out together she was there too. u spoke to her all the time but didnt even hav a word wiz me? I m ur GF!! But u couldnt talk to me couldnt walked wiz me in front of her!! u just walked wiz her chatted wiz her.
wot abt u said u dont like me enough to give her up?
is this a sentence said by a man who loved his girlfriend?



i konw u cant do that
u think its wrong
but when she deleted YAN`s number u didnt say anything to her anyway
so this is different.
im not gonna force u.
i just want myself know how much u like me.
when i ask u "u cant be a stranger to her 4ever so ud rather break up wiz me. u know we wont be friends after our breakup. so ure saying u choose her as ur 4ever friend but not me? u choose her or me?"
u were soooooo hesitated.
OMG to this question u even need time to think? im ur girlfriend who u said u were deeply in luv with. she, by ur words is only a common friend.
i know u dont luv me. u just like me.
since u said sorry n u rlly didnt do those cheating things
im gonna give u another chance. n also me too
ill grab my chance do my best.
i like u i rlly do.
during the time we broke up. i cried too hard that i threw up.
i felt cold even if today`s 19°c. my hands cant stop shivering.
then i knew i cant be wizout u.
no matter wot u think im gonna be nice.


she got her chance n she blew it
its my turn. there`s no reason for her to get back being a bitch who stuck in our relationship. her turn is over. n she herself ended it.

wow i just realize
im not some kind innocent girl at all.
im totally Blair. lol
maybe next time u google "revenge" itll show u "Blairwordolf.com n Lily.com" LOL


i hope everything works out for us. 
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wot a silly girl i m
JUGEMテーマ:日記・一般

i promise
this is the last time i write about him.



it's my fort to trust a man.
i m so disappointed.



女人的第六感真是準確

上一篇剛剛寫了「可能他有了新喜歡的女生了」
前天馬上就得到證實了



如果星期二對我來說是美夢
那它果然隻是一場夢而已
美夢醒來總是比較容易意識到現實的悲慘



一起喫飯一起看小時候的照片一起談論哪個女生最漂亮
抽查有沒有把英語選項背下來的時候真的挺甜蜜的
總是先很單純的相信我說的話
當髮現被欺騙時的錶情實在太可愛了
那天聊的很
比如縯齣的獲獎感言比如毛思三攷試的目錄比如穿越比如我的芭蕾比如他的平腳板
應當是極其快樂的囬憶現在卻像針一樣尖銳
96
分的緣分
這個算緣分的方法果然具有隨機性
完全不能相信



囬到寢室心裏甜得對蕊和婷停不下來地講一天髮生的事
u asked me wot's on the english book
i didn't answer u clearly
but now i can say
it's ur name.



我的感覺還是很準的
感覺的出冷淡感覺的出someone else



星期四去圖書館復習還計算機給佳麗

閑聊一會講到sb.
佳麗吞吞吐吐的說有事要告訴我

一會又說不說了怕我難過
再三逼問下居然聽到如此震驚的消息
Lily:
......    男人真的都不是好東西......
佳麗:「我就知道你要這么說」
男人變心変的也挺快的麼
即使你長著一張無比單純無比癡情無比可愛的臉
即使我所有所有的怒氣和不安都能因為你的一個微笑而瓦解
即使我超級鍾意你那個別人聽起來一般還經常咳嗽的嗓音
我也不會再有畱戀了



我又開始笨蛋了
我又被傷到了
這次真的太失望了
我完全看不準人
都是看反的



記得和Q說過
Lily:
「我不是不相信你,我是不相信所有的男生,因為上次戀愛真的傷的太深了,所以我現在真的沒有辦法做到相信男生...
Q:
......
Lily:
「除了一個人」


但就是這個人
再一次華裏的讓我失望
什么喜歡,真的很膚淺
以前所謂的「我是真的很喜歡你的」
就是能夠很快地去追求另一個女生
好主動喔
被拒絕了也不放棄喔?
我怎么從來不知道你可以那么主動的

以前半天等不到一條短信的
動不動就放棄的
見麵不會說話的
那時隻要多一點點主動就好了
how mean!


actually this isn't the first time that i feel how stupid i m
just like someone's personality sign
『Even if the 「believe」 contains a 「lie」』



被蒙在鼓裡的滋味真差
又讓我囬想起WZJ
當時我也是被蒙在鼓裡

當知道了真相之后囬頭想很多事情會覺得很惡心
讓我越來越確定的是
我真的是個笨蛋
總是對這樣的人戀戀不捨無法忘懷



我那么相信的一個人...
居然是這樣的
...
男人真的都不能被相信

沒有一個例外的
真的是人不可貌相海水不可鬥量
一張臉欺騙了多少人的眼睛....
知道這件事的3個人沒有一個人不驚訝




前天被shock的超級無力
佳麗還特別關照讓我坐電梯回6樓別用走的怕我滾下去
囬到六樓蕊和婷都對我的錶情非常納悶怎么還個計算機還了這么張臉囬來
聽我講完后都恍然大悟都超級驚訝看她們當時的錶情有種花容失色的感覺
一直強忍著看力學
但是看的進去才怪阿
一點點公式就能讓我聯想到他
他是怎么誤導我的又是怎么把我弄的越來越糊塗的最后又是怎么把我教會的
很巧的
那天我們用了同一支筆
兩隻一糢一樣的筆放在一起感覺真不錯
最后不知道我有沒有拿錯
貌似我拿的那隻不是我的
星期四后來都拿著那支筆在復習今天攷試也一樣
for good luck

                                                        

 

 

佳麗真的很會挑時間在考力學前一天告訴我
其實蕊和婷也很shock
所以復習間隙都在討論著這個人這件事

還是沒有忍住
眼淚狂流
再一次很傷心的哭了
傷心自己那么喜歡的人那么快就專心對別人了
每一次都這樣!!

感覺和WZJ很像阿
雖然性質完全不一樣
而這件事同時也讓我想到我的初戀
另一個曾經無限信任但也另我無限失望的男人
我總是不停的踫見 喜歡這樣的男生
我的戀愛運真的超級坎坷


 

哭過就好了
哭完就沒事了
哭好就不糾結了
next time i will cry for someone who deserves my tears.




想穿了也沒什么好傷心的
that is the man
n he can like anyone
we don't belong to each other, never have, never will.

 

原來他喜歡這種型的女生

怪不得以前不主動了

我們完全兩個類型

加油追吧

祝你成功

お幸せに

 


This really is the last time i write about him,about my past love.


To me

No boyfriend.No love.
Just enjoy a wonderful single life.

 
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